Is First love Painful?
By Sangdon Park
Is first love painful?
My name is Lupinus. Many people call me Lupin. ‘Lupinus’ is a kind of flower and it means
maternal affection, happiness, and new beauty in the language of flowers. My
mother named, but I don’t like my name because it’s too childish and effeminate.
I am in grade 9; I had many concerns about being in middle school mainly due to adolescence.
I wanted rather sitting down studying than going out and playing
with my friends. Sometimes, my parents asked me some questions.
“Have you ever kissed someone? HA-HA” laughed father.
“No way! Lupin is too young to kiss somebody,” said mother.
Yes, actually I haven’t dated anyone yet, even though I have had ‘one- sided love’ several times.
However the results were all terrible. She came to our school 2 years ago and I just fell in
love with her at first sight when I was in grade 7. She came and I loved her, but I couldn’t say anything in front of her;
eventually a handsome and confident boy asked her out, and she accepted it. I had never told anyone because I knew
she would like someone else, but not me. Because already I have known that, I
don’t deserve her. I had regretted many times. Now I don’t need her, I believe
new girl will come to me… too tired today; I just want to sleep early. I decided
to sleep early tonight, and I don’t know what time it was, maybe early dawn?
Someone appeared in my dreams. An Obscure silhouette of person? A girl? Probably
a girl. I wanted to call her.
“Hello? Who is there?” I tried to call her.
“Hel...My…is...Vend…r...”she said
but I could barely hear her voice.
“Sorry I cannot hear you! What’s
your name again?” I asked. I don’t know where did that confidence come from. I
woke up and looked at my clock. The clock pointed to 2. I will try to meet her
again tomorrow in my dream.
The next day, I could not
concentrate anything because of that dream. I was attached to her. I don’t know
why I want to meet her again. I just wanted to meet her again as fast as I can,
and the wish came true.
“Where am I? Hello? Is somebody
there?” I shouted in my dream.
Suddenly, a spot of light
appeared and a girl came out. Yes! The girl who I met yesterday!
“Who are you? Why did you call
me?” asked the girl.
“No… I didn’t…I just…My name is
Lupinus, just call me Lupin” I
stammered.
“Why are you so nervous? My name
is Lavender…” she said, but I could barely hear her because of buzzing
sound.
“Lavender, what a pretty name!
Sorry Lavender I cannot hear you clearly, will we be able to meet again?”I
asked.
“We will meet soon, bye! Shy
boy,” she said and disappeared with a spot of
light.
Tall and pretty face, I cannot
forget about her. Meet soon? What does it mean? Maybe she will come to me
later.
Couple of days later, I still
daydreamed about her even though I cannot remember her face. Her mood and
atmosphere; something pulled me. Where is
she?
“Eyes over here! Hello everyone,
calm down, yes most of you knew that! A new student is coming to our school” our
teacher, Mr. Scott said.
“Hello my name is Lavender, nice
to meet you guys all,” said Lavender.
“Do you have a boy Friend?”
someone asked.
“Can you give your phone number?”
another student asked.
“Stop! That’s enough guys!
Lavender, seat beside Lupin, who looks very shy” Teacher teased
me.
“Hello, My name is Lavender nice
to meet you!” she said and whispered “Come and meet me you at the roof after
school!”
“What? Yes, ok! Good,” I
stammered
During school time, I could not
either see or talk to her; she was surrounded by many boys and girls. They asked
a lot of questions but I could not help her out. After school I went to the roof
to meet her.
“Hello? Lavender? Are you there?”
I said.
“Yes, I’m here! Hi, First of all,
you must have many things to ask, so ask me!” said
Lavender.
We talked through the day and I
now know many things about her. Her name is Lavender, 14years old, she has long
hair, big brown eyes, and she is from Canada. She has been here for a year.
Those are everything what I know about her, I didn’t ask lots of questions to
her. Fortunately she is confident and cool, and she asked lots of questions to
me. I told her she appeared in my dreams. I don’t know why she appeared in my
dreams but I believe she can change my life and personality. She said I’m too
timid and reserved. Yes I knew, but I tried to call her when I met her in my
dreams. Probably we can be good
friends…
Unfortunately, we couldn’t, maybe
we can’t. Many boys and girls want to be her friends; I cannot be a good friend
with her. Every day I looked at her from afar. That’s everything that I can do
for her. Rarely I have chances to talk to her, such as when helping her. One day
I got a chance to build friendship with her! At PE class, the game was Couple
Dutch ball; make a partner and 2 people must hold their hands, and this was the
chance that came to me.
“Lavender! Your partner is
Lupinus. Lupin! Protect her properly!” shouted Mr.
Scott
We became a couple! Wow! I was
very happy but I didn’t manifest it. I breathed deeply and held her hand. Her
hand was soft and tender. During PE time, the class seemed to be a heaven to me.
From the next day, we became good
friends, I mean sometimes she came to me and chatted with me. Even though mostly
it was her who was talking.
One day she asked, “Don’t you
like me?”
“Sorry? I don’t hate you, I
just…” I replied.
“Well, you must be confident!
Confident boy gets everything!” she
said.
“Okay, I will try,” I replied
The next day, I was walking on
alley, and accidently I heard chat between Lavender and a boy. I stopped and
listened to their conversation far away from
them
“Lavender! Do you know Lupinus?
Is he your boyfriend?” the boy asked.
“Lupin? No he isn’t, he is just a
friend,” Lavender replied.
Accidently, Lavender and I got an eye-contact, but she ignored me. Did
she look at me?
“Lupin is nothing to me, he is just a boring and timid boy, you know that
I don’t like timid boys,” said
Lavender.
I already have known that she
didn’t think we have special relationships, but my feeling was not very
good.
“Then can we go out? I mean can
you be my girlfriend?” asked the boy.
“Jake, can you come here for just a second?” Lavender called the
boy.
Lavender pulled him and they kissed. I could not say anything but just
ran and ran. I felt I was made a big hole by a huge nail. My heart has stopped
bumping.
*Drrrrg Drrrrg* The door was
opened.
I looked around the classroom but
Lavender hadn’t come yet. I called Jake and asked, “I didn’t mean to hear you,
but I heard you and Lavender’s chat yesterday, and I saw you guys kissed, I’m so
sorry, anyway! Do you know where she is?” I
asked.
“I don’t know what you are
talking about, but didn’t you know that? She is leaving to another country,
yesterday was her last day, and also actually we didn’t kiss!” Jake replied.
I was confused, Jake explained
what happened yesterday. Her answer from Jake’s suggestion was “NO”.Lavender
already noticed that Lupinus was looking at them. Therefore she pulled him and
whispered that she will leave, and she loves Lupin. Lavender gave a warning to
Jake. Don’t touch Lupinus, he is mine.
I heard from Jake and I realized
that I have misunderstood! I opened my cell phone and tried to call but I
couldn’t so I started typing a message.
Dear
Lavender
Lavender? Where are you? Can we meet again? Well, you might not believe
me but I have seen you in my dreams, you called me and I thought you were my
destiny. We might not meet again; just I want to say something before you
leaving. I loved you for a long time. I know I’m not handsome and confident. I’m
so sorry, but if we can meet again, we can be nice friends. I believe we can, my
destiny. I won’t forget about you forever, please remember me,
Bye.
Actually I didn’t expect her reply. It was enough to deliver my mind to
her. However I could not forget about her. 1day, 2days, and a week; more and
more, her face was glimmering in my mind like a haze. During class time,
sleeping and even eating, I could not forget her. Eventually I got a message
from her; I opened it carefully; and started reading.
Sorry Lupin! I hadn’t touched my
cell phone for a long time. I’m using father’s cell phone now. I’m in Canada, I
followed my father. Maybe I won’t be able to call you frequently. Thus I want to
say, I also loved you for such a long time, but I never told anyone, because I
have known I didn’t have much time to stay there, and I was scared about what
would you say. I really love you, and I wonder what would have happened if
either of us had said something earlier. Thank you for your confidence. Promise!
Don’t forget, remember me forever. I also believe you are my destiny. I love you
Lupin!
I had thought I could erase her from my head if I get her reply, but I
was wrong. I got worst and couldn’t even sleep or eat. However soon, I tried to
overcome eventually, and I did.
10 years later
Now, I’m working in a flower
shop. Lavender, she is still in my head, she was my first love.
“Hello? Can I buy some flower?” A
lady asked.
“HA-HA, of course,”I smiled and
looked up.
I cannot forget her even though 10 years have passed, and I noticed that
she is Lavender.
“Hello! Lupin” she smiled.
My name is Lupinus. Many people call me Lupin. ‘Lupinus’ is a kind of flower and it means
maternal affection, happiness, and new beauty in the language of flowers. My
mother named, but I don’t like my name because it’s too childish and effeminate.
I am in grade 9; I had many concerns about being in middle school mainly due to adolescence.
I wanted rather sitting down studying than going out and playing
with my friends. Sometimes, my parents asked me some questions.
“Have you ever kissed someone? HA-HA” laughed father.
“No way! Lupin is too young to kiss somebody,” said mother.
Yes, actually I haven’t dated anyone yet, even though I have had ‘one- sided love’ several times.
However the results were all terrible. She came to our school 2 years ago and I just fell in
love with her at first sight when I was in grade 7. She came and I loved her, but I couldn’t say anything in front of her;
eventually a handsome and confident boy asked her out, and she accepted it. I had never told anyone because I knew
she would like someone else, but not me. Because already I have known that, I
don’t deserve her. I had regretted many times. Now I don’t need her, I believe
new girl will come to me… too tired today; I just want to sleep early. I decided
to sleep early tonight, and I don’t know what time it was, maybe early dawn?
Someone appeared in my dreams. An Obscure silhouette of person? A girl? Probably
a girl. I wanted to call her.
“Hello? Who is there?” I tried to call her.
“Hel...My…is...Vend…r...”she said
but I could barely hear her voice.
“Sorry I cannot hear you! What’s
your name again?” I asked. I don’t know where did that confidence come from. I
woke up and looked at my clock. The clock pointed to 2. I will try to meet her
again tomorrow in my dream.
The next day, I could not
concentrate anything because of that dream. I was attached to her. I don’t know
why I want to meet her again. I just wanted to meet her again as fast as I can,
and the wish came true.
“Where am I? Hello? Is somebody
there?” I shouted in my dream.
Suddenly, a spot of light
appeared and a girl came out. Yes! The girl who I met yesterday!
“Who are you? Why did you call
me?” asked the girl.
“No… I didn’t…I just…My name is
Lupinus, just call me Lupin” I
stammered.
“Why are you so nervous? My name
is Lavender…” she said, but I could barely hear her because of buzzing
sound.
“Lavender, what a pretty name!
Sorry Lavender I cannot hear you clearly, will we be able to meet again?”I
asked.
“We will meet soon, bye! Shy
boy,” she said and disappeared with a spot of
light.
Tall and pretty face, I cannot
forget about her. Meet soon? What does it mean? Maybe she will come to me
later.
Couple of days later, I still
daydreamed about her even though I cannot remember her face. Her mood and
atmosphere; something pulled me. Where is
she?
“Eyes over here! Hello everyone,
calm down, yes most of you knew that! A new student is coming to our school” our
teacher, Mr. Scott said.
“Hello my name is Lavender, nice
to meet you guys all,” said Lavender.
“Do you have a boy Friend?”
someone asked.
“Can you give your phone number?”
another student asked.
“Stop! That’s enough guys!
Lavender, seat beside Lupin, who looks very shy” Teacher teased
me.
“Hello, My name is Lavender nice
to meet you!” she said and whispered “Come and meet me you at the roof after
school!”
“What? Yes, ok! Good,” I
stammered
During school time, I could not
either see or talk to her; she was surrounded by many boys and girls. They asked
a lot of questions but I could not help her out. After school I went to the roof
to meet her.
“Hello? Lavender? Are you there?”
I said.
“Yes, I’m here! Hi, First of all,
you must have many things to ask, so ask me!” said
Lavender.
We talked through the day and I
now know many things about her. Her name is Lavender, 14years old, she has long
hair, big brown eyes, and she is from Canada. She has been here for a year.
Those are everything what I know about her, I didn’t ask lots of questions to
her. Fortunately she is confident and cool, and she asked lots of questions to
me. I told her she appeared in my dreams. I don’t know why she appeared in my
dreams but I believe she can change my life and personality. She said I’m too
timid and reserved. Yes I knew, but I tried to call her when I met her in my
dreams. Probably we can be good
friends…
Unfortunately, we couldn’t, maybe
we can’t. Many boys and girls want to be her friends; I cannot be a good friend
with her. Every day I looked at her from afar. That’s everything that I can do
for her. Rarely I have chances to talk to her, such as when helping her. One day
I got a chance to build friendship with her! At PE class, the game was Couple
Dutch ball; make a partner and 2 people must hold their hands, and this was the
chance that came to me.
“Lavender! Your partner is
Lupinus. Lupin! Protect her properly!” shouted Mr.
Scott
We became a couple! Wow! I was
very happy but I didn’t manifest it. I breathed deeply and held her hand. Her
hand was soft and tender. During PE time, the class seemed to be a heaven to me.
From the next day, we became good
friends, I mean sometimes she came to me and chatted with me. Even though mostly
it was her who was talking.
One day she asked, “Don’t you
like me?”
“Sorry? I don’t hate you, I
just…” I replied.
“Well, you must be confident!
Confident boy gets everything!” she
said.
“Okay, I will try,” I replied
The next day, I was walking on
alley, and accidently I heard chat between Lavender and a boy. I stopped and
listened to their conversation far away from
them
“Lavender! Do you know Lupinus?
Is he your boyfriend?” the boy asked.
“Lupin? No he isn’t, he is just a
friend,” Lavender replied.
Accidently, Lavender and I got an eye-contact, but she ignored me. Did
she look at me?
“Lupin is nothing to me, he is just a boring and timid boy, you know that
I don’t like timid boys,” said
Lavender.
I already have known that she
didn’t think we have special relationships, but my feeling was not very
good.
“Then can we go out? I mean can
you be my girlfriend?” asked the boy.
“Jake, can you come here for just a second?” Lavender called the
boy.
Lavender pulled him and they kissed. I could not say anything but just
ran and ran. I felt I was made a big hole by a huge nail. My heart has stopped
bumping.
*Drrrrg Drrrrg* The door was
opened.
I looked around the classroom but
Lavender hadn’t come yet. I called Jake and asked, “I didn’t mean to hear you,
but I heard you and Lavender’s chat yesterday, and I saw you guys kissed, I’m so
sorry, anyway! Do you know where she is?” I
asked.
“I don’t know what you are
talking about, but didn’t you know that? She is leaving to another country,
yesterday was her last day, and also actually we didn’t kiss!” Jake replied.
I was confused, Jake explained
what happened yesterday. Her answer from Jake’s suggestion was “NO”.Lavender
already noticed that Lupinus was looking at them. Therefore she pulled him and
whispered that she will leave, and she loves Lupin. Lavender gave a warning to
Jake. Don’t touch Lupinus, he is mine.
I heard from Jake and I realized
that I have misunderstood! I opened my cell phone and tried to call but I
couldn’t so I started typing a message.
Dear
Lavender
Lavender? Where are you? Can we meet again? Well, you might not believe
me but I have seen you in my dreams, you called me and I thought you were my
destiny. We might not meet again; just I want to say something before you
leaving. I loved you for a long time. I know I’m not handsome and confident. I’m
so sorry, but if we can meet again, we can be nice friends. I believe we can, my
destiny. I won’t forget about you forever, please remember me,
Bye.
Actually I didn’t expect her reply. It was enough to deliver my mind to
her. However I could not forget about her. 1day, 2days, and a week; more and
more, her face was glimmering in my mind like a haze. During class time,
sleeping and even eating, I could not forget her. Eventually I got a message
from her; I opened it carefully; and started reading.
Sorry Lupin! I hadn’t touched my
cell phone for a long time. I’m using father’s cell phone now. I’m in Canada, I
followed my father. Maybe I won’t be able to call you frequently. Thus I want to
say, I also loved you for such a long time, but I never told anyone, because I
have known I didn’t have much time to stay there, and I was scared about what
would you say. I really love you, and I wonder what would have happened if
either of us had said something earlier. Thank you for your confidence. Promise!
Don’t forget, remember me forever. I also believe you are my destiny. I love you
Lupin!
I had thought I could erase her from my head if I get her reply, but I
was wrong. I got worst and couldn’t even sleep or eat. However soon, I tried to
overcome eventually, and I did.
10 years later
Now, I’m working in a flower
shop. Lavender, she is still in my head, she was my first love.
“Hello? Can I buy some flower?” A
lady asked.
“HA-HA, of course,”I smiled and
looked up.
I cannot forget her even though 10 years have passed, and I noticed that
she is Lavender.
“Hello! Lupin” she smiled.