The Circulation
By, John Kim
People sometimes think that if they could go back to the past, they would be having been a better person.
I’m 40-year-old man. I got lung cancer. I’m regretting. I cannot move and speak properly. I can feel that my life is almost done, so I’ve been sleeping 18hours per day. Doctor said that I can live only for a few more days. By the way, I’m wondering about one man who is next to me. Nobody visited me because I don’t have family or friends. However, a few days ago, one man visited me. He didn’t do anything but just stood next to me. He never moved, spoke, or slept, but I didn’t ask about those, because I don’t want to spend my energy arguing.
Few hours later, finally, that guy said, “Are you okay?”
His voice was really quiet, slow and little bit dreamlike.
“I cannot be okay…” I said. I wondered why he didn’t speak anything until now. But, that’s not important. The most important thing is that why did he try to communicate with me.
“What’s your name?” he said again.
“Ji Hun,” I answered shortly.
“Oh… Alright…” he thought a while and continued, “Say one hope that you really wish.”
I was perplexed. I ask him, “What are you talking about?”
“Hmmm… You may not believe in me, but you should be sure about that I can comply with your hope.”
“I’m not sure, unfortunately,” I answered.
“Oh…” he started wriggling, and started to change his shape as an alien and continued, “As you see, I’m not a human being. I’m Satan.”
‘Trying wouldn’t hurt.’ I thought and decided to believe him or it.
“Ok. I hope to go back to my past, so I want to live again,” I answered.
“That’s one of hope that I have heard the most. Do you want to keep your memory?”
“Of course, if I don’t keep my memory, I will live the same.”
“Ok now, close your eyes and count 3 with your mind.”
‘1… 2… 3…’
I opened my eyes. I was lying down on the floor. There’s one desk that looked familiar in front of me. Familiar smell… Here’s 32-year-ago my room. I went out of my room. My mother was cleaning dishes, and father was sleeping. I was confused. My parents, who have died as soon as I graduated university, were living in front of me. Also they were the same age as me. I couldn’t say anything to them. I wanted a break to organize my thinking. I slept with deep thinking.
I woke up because of the surrounding noise. My mother was waking me up, “Wake up Ji Hun. It’s time to go to school.”
I went to washroom as natural as I can. I wasn’t able to recognize that I am an 8 years old kid before seeing this mirror in front of me. I washed quickly and went out for breakfast.
“Ha… I hope this business could be successful,” father said.
“It’s okay. It will be successful,” mother encouraged.
I can remember now, because of this business, our family had to go to countryside. I should persuade father, “Father, you have to stop this business.”
“What are you talking about? You have no right to decide about this problem,” shouted father.
“Oh, father. If you continue this business, we will have to go to countryside,” I said.
“Stop talking. You should not say any negative things,” mother said.
I was really stuffed. Why won’t they believe me??? Oh, that’s because I’m too young. I despaired. A few days later, we moved to a small town out in the boondocks. I was really sad. Nobody believed me. Suddenly, I wanted to smoke. Every time when I was despaired, I always used to smoke. Just at the moment, there was one cigarette on the desk and there was no one in the house. I couldn’t avoid it so I took that cigarette and lighted it. I was distracting. In my first life, I start to smoke from when I was 20, but now I’m smoking even though I’m just an 8 years old kid. It will be worse than before. I was ill at ease. I cannot remember useful or good memories but I was only able to remember miserable and bad memories. I cannot stop those miserable situations to be happened ever again.
3 years later, I became totally dejected. Contrary to my expectations, I couldn’t remember all of the questions that were on the tests. I smoked everyday so my health became the same as 30 years old men. All of my friends were playing really childish. I cannot join them.
“Hey, let’s play together!” one little girl said.
“Go away,” I answered.
“Hmmm… You don’t seem to be the same as before,” I was surprised, because there was the Satan who has granted my wish.
“Why are you here?” I asked.
“Because I always enjoy human’s misfortune,” he smiled creepy.
“So what do you want?” I asked.
“Do you want to go back to future?” he trickily asked back.
“Can I?” I was actually hoping to go back to future, “What do I have to do?”
“Same with before you did,” he then continued, “Do you want to keep your memories?”
If I keep this memory, that’s not good for me. “I don’t want to keep it.”
“That’s good for you,” he smiled again trickily.
I counted to 3, and opened my eyes.
Here’s hospital. I’m 40-year-old man. I got lung cancer. I will die soon. By the way, I’m wondering about one man who is next to me.
He suddenly asked,
“Say one hope that you really wish.”
I’m 40-year-old man. I got lung cancer. I’m regretting. I cannot move and speak properly. I can feel that my life is almost done, so I’ve been sleeping 18hours per day. Doctor said that I can live only for a few more days. By the way, I’m wondering about one man who is next to me. Nobody visited me because I don’t have family or friends. However, a few days ago, one man visited me. He didn’t do anything but just stood next to me. He never moved, spoke, or slept, but I didn’t ask about those, because I don’t want to spend my energy arguing.
Few hours later, finally, that guy said, “Are you okay?”
His voice was really quiet, slow and little bit dreamlike.
“I cannot be okay…” I said. I wondered why he didn’t speak anything until now. But, that’s not important. The most important thing is that why did he try to communicate with me.
“What’s your name?” he said again.
“Ji Hun,” I answered shortly.
“Oh… Alright…” he thought a while and continued, “Say one hope that you really wish.”
I was perplexed. I ask him, “What are you talking about?”
“Hmmm… You may not believe in me, but you should be sure about that I can comply with your hope.”
“I’m not sure, unfortunately,” I answered.
“Oh…” he started wriggling, and started to change his shape as an alien and continued, “As you see, I’m not a human being. I’m Satan.”
‘Trying wouldn’t hurt.’ I thought and decided to believe him or it.
“Ok. I hope to go back to my past, so I want to live again,” I answered.
“That’s one of hope that I have heard the most. Do you want to keep your memory?”
“Of course, if I don’t keep my memory, I will live the same.”
“Ok now, close your eyes and count 3 with your mind.”
‘1… 2… 3…’
I opened my eyes. I was lying down on the floor. There’s one desk that looked familiar in front of me. Familiar smell… Here’s 32-year-ago my room. I went out of my room. My mother was cleaning dishes, and father was sleeping. I was confused. My parents, who have died as soon as I graduated university, were living in front of me. Also they were the same age as me. I couldn’t say anything to them. I wanted a break to organize my thinking. I slept with deep thinking.
I woke up because of the surrounding noise. My mother was waking me up, “Wake up Ji Hun. It’s time to go to school.”
I went to washroom as natural as I can. I wasn’t able to recognize that I am an 8 years old kid before seeing this mirror in front of me. I washed quickly and went out for breakfast.
“Ha… I hope this business could be successful,” father said.
“It’s okay. It will be successful,” mother encouraged.
I can remember now, because of this business, our family had to go to countryside. I should persuade father, “Father, you have to stop this business.”
“What are you talking about? You have no right to decide about this problem,” shouted father.
“Oh, father. If you continue this business, we will have to go to countryside,” I said.
“Stop talking. You should not say any negative things,” mother said.
I was really stuffed. Why won’t they believe me??? Oh, that’s because I’m too young. I despaired. A few days later, we moved to a small town out in the boondocks. I was really sad. Nobody believed me. Suddenly, I wanted to smoke. Every time when I was despaired, I always used to smoke. Just at the moment, there was one cigarette on the desk and there was no one in the house. I couldn’t avoid it so I took that cigarette and lighted it. I was distracting. In my first life, I start to smoke from when I was 20, but now I’m smoking even though I’m just an 8 years old kid. It will be worse than before. I was ill at ease. I cannot remember useful or good memories but I was only able to remember miserable and bad memories. I cannot stop those miserable situations to be happened ever again.
3 years later, I became totally dejected. Contrary to my expectations, I couldn’t remember all of the questions that were on the tests. I smoked everyday so my health became the same as 30 years old men. All of my friends were playing really childish. I cannot join them.
“Hey, let’s play together!” one little girl said.
“Go away,” I answered.
“Hmmm… You don’t seem to be the same as before,” I was surprised, because there was the Satan who has granted my wish.
“Why are you here?” I asked.
“Because I always enjoy human’s misfortune,” he smiled creepy.
“So what do you want?” I asked.
“Do you want to go back to future?” he trickily asked back.
“Can I?” I was actually hoping to go back to future, “What do I have to do?”
“Same with before you did,” he then continued, “Do you want to keep your memories?”
If I keep this memory, that’s not good for me. “I don’t want to keep it.”
“That’s good for you,” he smiled again trickily.
I counted to 3, and opened my eyes.
Here’s hospital. I’m 40-year-old man. I got lung cancer. I will die soon. By the way, I’m wondering about one man who is next to me.
He suddenly asked,
“Say one hope that you really wish.”